The Innermost Thoughts of Phineas Flynn
by EDD17SP
Summary: Phineas has a sudden moment of mental clarity and does some deep thinking…and a lot of aimless rambling.


**I had something on my mind and decided to express it through writing, plus wanted to try writing Phineas in first-person**

**Phineas and the gang are seventeen. **

It was a strange, almost uncomfortable moment. I'm sure everyone has moments like these every so often, where they experience a sudden moment of mental clarity and a powerful shock of emotion hits them like a secret agent platypus punching an evil scientist in the nose. (I know that's a strange metaphor, but I stand by it.)

I've had moments like this before. The one that instantly comes to mind is when I realized I was in love with Isabella. (It was preceded another moment of clarity where I realized she was in love with me.) It's sort of strange, these sudden mental comprehensions occur when I am completely focused on something else, something not even remotely related to that of my realization. When I realized Isabella was in love with me, I was driving to school, singing along to a Love Handel song on 93.1 WJOP. It just hit me out of nowhere, like a random green ray from the sky. (Another strange metaphor, I know.) I realized I was in love with Isabella during the drive home from school later that day while I was trying to figure out what the letters on the custom license plate on the Ford Mustang in front of me stood for. (I still remember what the license plate said: RUNVUS. Six months later and I still cannot for the life of me figure out what that means.)

The point I'm making here is that these moments of mental clarity hit you when you least expect it, which can be a good thing, or it can be a bad thing. For instance, when I realized Isabella was in love with me, I couldn't focus on anything at school for the entire day. I couldn't get my mind off of her. I had a history test that day. I managed to finish and didn't get too bad a grade, but my mind kept wandering off, and instead of remembering the name of John Paul Jones's ship, (_Bonhomme Richard_) I was thinking about how Isabella's eyes are the color of the ocean after a storm. Strangely enough, it was only after I stopped thinking about her, focusing instead on driving and subsequently the possible meanings of "RUNVUS" that I actually realized that I am, in fact, in love with her.

Case in point, because of my most recent subconscious grasp, the exhaust on my 1970 Ford Torino has been completely disassembled back to the exhaust manifold and I no longer feel motivated to find out what that clunking noise is. So, until I get these feelings off my chest, I can't drive anywhere unless I want to get a ticket for my car being too loud (because the muffler is no longer attached.)

I should explain. A few days ago, I started hearing a rattle coming from the exhaust every time I accelerated. So this morning, since we have off from school for a teacher's convention, I pulled the car into the garage and started taking apart the exhaust system. And it was while I was lying on my back on a piece of cardboard on the concrete floor beneath my Ford Torino, a ratchet in one hand and a wrench in the other, trying to get the exhaust pipe brackets unbolted from the frame, that I had my moment of consciousness.

I actually froze midway through a crank of the ratchet and stared motionless up at the bottom of the car until my arms started to ache from holding them above my head for so long. I snapped back to reality and finished removing the bolt, then slid out from under the car, becoming lost again in my earlier thoughts. I've been sitting in the driver's seat for about two hours now, alone with my thoughts.

And it's actually making me uncomfortable.

Usually, my thoughts are focused, excited, and flow with ease. But now…it's as if I'm lost inside my head, searching for answers to a question that doesn't exist.

This goes way back, back to when I realized that I love Isabella. It isn't every day that you discover that you and your best friend are in love and neither of you are aware. My head was swirling with emotions. I'm not even sure if I was excited or even happy about it at all, it was so sudden, but I did know one thing for certain: I had to tell her, immediately, if not sooner.

I went to her house as soon as I knew she was home. I really wasn't even nervous to tell her, because I knew she loved me back. (And if I was somehow wrong and she actually didn't love me, I knew she wouldn't be all awkward about it and break my heart. I wasn't even worried it would hurt our friendship.) I was right, of course, and she just about knocked me to the ground when she pounced on me, lips driving into mine with near urgency as the excited kiss progressed.

The seed of love sprouted fast in us both. We fell for each other harder with each passing day, talking for hours on end about absolutely nothing, whispering sweet nothings to each other and swooning as our eyes met with looks of infatuation. By about the fourth week we were together, Isabella and I were all but engaged. We knew we wanted to get married. She and I both wanted to tie the knot more than anything else in the world, never mind that we're far too young.

But then…things started to change. If anything, our love only grew, but our relationship changed. We had the occasional argument, nothing too bad, no shouting or storming off, and always resolved within the day. Although…I did think she was going to break up with me once. I was so sure that I actually started crying until she assured me that she still loved me.

I've been thinking about the arguments we've had in the past a lot since I sat down in this car. I already knew that every one of them was because of me. Never was I upset with her, only her with me. I always felt bad for causing them, and would often dwell on them for a while after we'd made amends. I guess I just didn't realize until now just why our arguments are always caused by me.

As I unbolted that bracket from the frame of my Torino, it hit me. I am too immature for Isabella. And our arguments were all products of my immaturity.

Here is how I have reached this conclusion. I may be in high school now, but I still act like I did when I was ten years old. Inventing and building dominated my thoughts until my love for Isabella overtook that, but inventing is still my passion. I will admit, it has kept me here in Danville and held me back from situations and experiences that could have helped me mature…things that Isabella _has_ done.

Yesterday, she seemed a bit down. "What's wrong, Isabella?" I asked her.

"Nothing," she replied. "I'm just…thinking."

"About what?"

She didn't answer right away. "Nothing."

I was confused, but I could see she was deep in thought. So, I took a seat next to her and waited.

"Phineas?" she asked me again a few minutes later.

"Yes?"

"If I asked you to, would you change?"

I was sort of taken aback and wasn't sure what to say. "Um…I suppose it depends."

"It depends?"

"Yeah. On what you wanted me to change."

"Oh." She didn't talk to me much for the rest of that day.

But now, sitting here, forcefully dragging thoughts reluctantly from my subconscious, I wonder…does Isabella think I'm too immature for her?

Maybe…maybe she'd be better off with someone more mature. I guess sometimes I don't really act my age.

I don't want to lose her…maybe it's time I did some maturing myself. Even if not for her, it's probably time I did. Heck, I think Ferb has been mature since he was six years old.

But that makes me think of something else…I'm not sure dad has ever matured. I mean, sure, he's British, he's sophisticated. But…he can be a bit childish sometimes. But he and mom are so happy together, childish or not. I think she even loves that about him. I've seen her give him some pretty endearing looks when he's being silly. Then again, I'm not so sure that mom has all her screws tight, either. And I guess just because you're mature doesn't mean you can't ever be silly. I just…

Grr…I don't know what to think anymore. I feel…lost. I feel like I need to do some serious thinking.

And from what I've worked out, the best way to do that is to not think about what I need to think about at all by focusing on something else. Noise ordinances or not, I need to go for a long drive...

Ah!…I just figured it out! "RUNVUS" : R U NVUS : Are you envious? Wow. That is clever.

**I don't really expect anyone to enjoy this. I debated whether or not I should even post it. But I wrote it and proofread it and it felt like a waste not to. **


End file.
